In a world that often values outgoing personalities, Hanlie, who considers herself more of an introvert, took a bold step to change her life. Feeling dissatisfied with her sense of accomplishment, she decided to participate in the Au Pair program. Her goal was clear—to Au Pair in the USA. However, her journey was far from smooth. Hanlie faced the challenge of going through a rematch four times and struggled to make friends. Eventually, she found the perfect match with a family in Chicago, Illinois, where she spent the majority of her two-year Au Pair experience. But what led to these rematches, and how did she overcome these challenges? Let’s delve into Hanlie’s story to uncover the reasons behind her difficulties and the remarkable resilience that carried her through.
Hanlie found herself at a crossroad, feeling like her life was stuck in a routine. Craving adventure, she discovered the Au Pair program and dove into extensive research. After stumbling upon Carla’s Au Pairs online, she reached out via email to inquire about the USA program. A significant motivator for choosing the USA program was the desire to connect with her father, who had explored the USA in his 20s. Once she received all the necessary application documents, she swiftly finalized her profile and attended the mandatory training provided by Carla’s Au Pairs. The training proved to be incredibly informative, fueling Hanlie’s excitement to kickstart this transformative journey. Her profile went live in June 2016, and she secured her first interview in November of the same year. Despite initial doubts about receiving responses, Hanlie maintained patience, recognizing the significance of this pursuit.
The interview process proved to be a nerve-wracking experience, particularly for an introvert like Hanlie. Struggling to show confidence added an extra layer of stress as she aimed to make a lasting impression. Fortunately, she clicked with the first family she interviewed with and accepted their offer to be matched. In retrospect, Hanlie acknowledges that she may have rushed the decision, realizing that she had little in common with the family. Looking back, she recognizes the importance of asking more questions to ensure compatibility. Blinded by the excitement of starting her Au Pair journey, she assumed that her comfort level and the family’s friendliness were sufficient.
Flying alone internationally for the first time was an experience in itself, with a mix of stress and excitement lingering in the air. Arriving in Dubai for her layover became quite the story. Accustomed to the smaller airport in Johannesburg, South Africa, Hanlie found Dubai presented its own set of challenges. After nearly an hour of wandering around in search of her boarding gate, she realized she needed to catch a train to travel from one terminal to the next. Finally locating the gate, Hanlie felt a sense of relief, allowing her to relax and explore the airport briefly before embarking on the next long flight to JFK airport in New York. Despite her initial excitement upon arriving at JFK, Hanlie regretfully experienced delays, with the plane taking 30 minutes to taxi to the gate and an additional surprise—a technical issue kept all passengers on the airplane for over an hour.
Her first week in America consisted of attending a highly informative training organized by EurAuPair in the heart of Manhattan. Hanlie thoroughly enjoyed every aspect of this week, from meeting au pairs from various parts of the world and making friends to exploring famous tourist attractions like Times Square, Central Park, and taking a bus tour through Brooklyn. Indulging in New York-style pizza and participating in training sessions to prepare au pairs for the challenges ahead, this week was a true adventure. Little did Hanlie know that some of the au pairs she met would become great friends throughout her Au Pair year.
On the flight to Denver, Colorado, Hanlie encountered a woman named Maria, a financial advisor for Dunkin’ Donuts who assisted new franchises in getting up and running. Maria, being a fascinating individual, engaged in conversations with Hanlie during the flight, which helped ease her nerves about meeting the host family in person for the first time. Maria took Hanlie under her wing, treating her to lunch, facilitating new friendships, and regularly checking in via phone to ensure she settled in comfortably.
The host family in Denver comprised of the host mom (a teacher), the host dad, and three children, with the youngest being a two-month-old baby. Hanlie faced challenges settling in, uncertain about where the family needed assistance and what was expected of her. Personality-wise, she struggled to find common ground with the extroverted, active, and avid reader family, which strained their relationship. Despite the family’s kindness, Hanlie found it difficult to adjust, but she committed to giving her best every day.
In her first week with the host family, Hanlie encountered an awkward situation. One night, she locked her room door, something she rarely did, and during the night, faced an urgent need to use the bathroom. However, the door refused to unlock, prompting Hanlie to contact the host parents, opting for a text to avoid waking the baby. With no response, she eventually called, leading the host dad to intervene, he had to get his toolbox to take off the door handle (keep in mind this was about 2 am). The next morning, Hanlie received a call from Maria thinking Hanlie was being held captive by the host family. That is when Hanlie realized she had texted Maria during the nigh instead of the host mom (Marjorie). Despite the embarrassment lingering for seven years, the story never fails to provide laughter whenever Hanlie shares it.
After approximately three weeks in Denver, the host family decided to take a trip to a town close to Aspen, Colorado. Aware that Hanlie had a friend in the area, she asked the host family if it would be okay to make plans with her friend during their trip. After considering it, the host family told her she could stay with her friend since her assistance with the kids wasn’t needed. Excitedly, Hanlie packed a bag for the weekend, and they hit the road. It was a joyous reunion with her friend.
However, on the first day of the visit, Hanlie received a call from her agency informing her that the host family had decided to terminate the match. The host mom had opted to quit her job and care for the baby herself, eliminating the need for an Au Pair. Hanlie, overwhelmed with confusion, could barely grasp the agency’s explanation on the phone. All she wanted to do was cry. Feeling lost and uncertain, the concept of a rematch was foreign to her, and she had no idea how the process would unfold. What should have been a wonderful weekend exploring Aspen turned into Hanlie crying so much that she thought she would run out of tears. Her heart was broken, and she felt utterly alone
The next morning, after processing the news, she spoke to the agency again. They explained that her profile was back online for host families to view. Desperate to leave the family in Denver, Hanlie quickly matched with the first family that made her an offer. The process was swift; by the end of the Aspen weekend, she had found a new family and had to return to Denver to pack her things. Determined to avoid the host family, she booked a bus ticket back to Denver, unwilling to wait for them to pick her up. About to leave for the airport, the host family returned home and bid their goodbyes. They were considerate about the situation, which made it even harder for Hanlie to leave. Looking back, Denver wasn’t all bad for Hanlie. She got to experience a real rodeo for the first time. Despite the tears shed in Aspen, she feels grateful for the opportunity to explore the town.
The next family was in Lafayette, New Jersey. The family comprised a host mom and her 7-year-old daughter. The moment Hanlie met the host mom in person, she sensed she had made a mistake in matching with this family. The host mom appeared somewhat rude and communicated in a very curt manner. Despite this initial impression, still emotionally affected by the previous rematch experience, Hanlie decided to give the host mom the benefit of the doubt. Upon arriving at their house, Hanlie was awestruck WOW! They had a large, beautiful house with a spacious yard, and deer casually strolled across their backyard, resembling scenes from a movie. However, Hanlie soon realized that the big, beautiful house couldn’t compensate for the challenges she would face.
Hanlie learned that the 7-year-old girl was adopted and had been separated from her sister during the adoption process. Coupled with the host mom and dad going through a divorce, this proved emotionally challenging for the young girl, leading to behavioral problems as she struggled to cope. Hanlie vividly recalls one night when a heated argument happened between the host mom and the girl. The girl became aggressive, and the host mom stormed off, locking herself in her room, crying. Strangely, the girl responded with laughter, seemingly impressed by the impact she had on her mother.
Alongside other issues, Hanlie found it difficult to work in this environment. Overwhelmed emotionally, she cried herself to sleep every night. As daylight broke, Hanlie would feel stressed, anticipating the challenges of the day ahead and uncertain about the girl’s mood. This continued for a few more days until Hanlie finally contacted the agency, and it was decided that finding a new family was the best course of action. The word “relieved” best describes Hanlie’s feelings at that moment. She felt like she could breathe again. Nothing felt right with this family—she was always on edge, unable to relax, anticipating the next unsettling event, and it drained her both physically and emotionally. Hanlie spent a mere two and a half weeks with this family before flying out to family number three.
The next family was in Portland, Oregon, consisting of the host mom (a child psychiatrist), the host dad (a stay-at-home dad), and their 2-year-old triplets, Kai, Skyler, and Holden. During the interview, Hanlie instantly fell in love with the kids. In the first few days, she settled in and began getting to know the family. After a while, the host family called a meeting to discuss something important. In the discussion, Hanlie learned that the host family had a previous Au Pair from Colombia, named Maria, and due to a few issues, they decided to go into rematch. Surprisingly, they wanted to bring Maria back, not replace Hanlie. Initially concerned about finding a new family, Hanlie was relieved to learn they intended to have both au pairs work alongside each other. Despite the unusual setup, Hanlie and Maria quickly became friends.
One challenging aspect for Hanlie was making friends outside the family. While she didn’t have many friends, Maria was a great companion, and they connected over the kids. Although they didn’t share many common interests, they always found activities to enjoy together. They watched soccer and basketball games, explored the Chinese garden, attended a live Coldplay concert, and more. A standout memory for Hanlie was their trip to Lincoln City to visit one of Maria’s friends. The weekend included whale watching, exploring seaside towns, and hiking. Not known to Maria, she played a crucial role in helping Hanlie feel comfortable in Portland and became a significant part of her support system.
Exploring with the host family was an exciting experience for Hanlie. She visited beautiful and interesting destinations she didn’t even know existed. A weekend getaway with the family to Ashland, Oregon, was memorable. Hanlie and Maria explored the city, went for walks with the kids, and were surprised when the host family bought tickets for them to see a show at the Shakespeare Festival. Another breathtaking experience was visiting Crater Lake with the family, an amazing sight for Hanlie. The hiking trails offered stunning views of the clear blue lake, leaving her in awe.
Although the family tried their best to include the au pairs in trips and build a connection with them, Hanlie faced some challenges. Once a week, there was a game night with the host parents, where they discussed any issues from the week and planned for the next, all while enjoying fun board games and delicious pizza. While communication with the family was generally good, there were still a few minor incidents that made the working atmosphere uncomfortable at times.
One positive aspect Hanlie cherishes from her time in Portland is the West Coast tour she booked through Au Pair Adventures. This incredible trip included stops in San Francisco, Yosemite, Las Vegas, Death Valley, Route 66, Grand Canyon, Los Angeles, and more. It was a dream vacation for Hanlie, allowing her to check off a significant portion of her travel bucket list. The memories from that trip will forever hold a special place in her heart.
Taking care of the triplets was a delightful experience for Hanlie. The boys were incredibly sweet, making her job a joy every day. From walks in a wagon to reading, building blocks, and moments of laughter, Hanlie couldn’t have asked for better kids. Her affection for them extended beyond the six months she spent with the family.
After a few months with the host family, Hanlie and Maria learned that the family would be moving to Hawaii. Hanlie’s heart sank, knowing she would have to go through another rematch. This time, however, she had a two-month head start to find a new family, providing a more positive outlook. Taking her time to find a good fit, she eventually matched with a family in Wisconsin—a single mother with four children. Hanlie had a strong connection with the kids and shared many common interests with the host mom. For the first time, she felt excited about joining a new family. Unfortunately, two weeks before Hanlie was set to fly out to the new host family, the host mom informed her that she lost her job and could no longer afford to have an au pair join their family.
Heartbreak was an understatement. Hanlie called her family in tears, already planning flights to return home to South Africa. She couldn’t bear to go through the process again, feeling unmotivated and depleted. Despite her parents’ attempts to calm her, it was her sister’s words that resonated: “You are traveling at the expense of host families. How many places have you seen that you would not have otherwise planned to travel to?”, forcing Hanlie to look at the positive in a dire situation. This perspective gave her a glimmer of hope. After the call, Hanlie was shocked to discover interview requests from almost 10 families within hours of her profile going live. After interviewing, she narrowed it down to two families: one from Washington DC and another from Chicago. When the family from Washington DC mentioned a lack of TVs but a whole library of books, Hanlie decided to join the family in Chicago.
With only a week to finalize everything in Portland and fly out to Chicago, Hanlie was excited yet found it challenging to say goodbye to Kai, Skyler, and Holden. Ending this chapter was difficult. Despite the stability in Portland, her work being okay, and a limited social circle, she was not very happy in Portland, but she didn’t feel sad either, considering it a win. On the morning of her flight to Chicago, sitting outside in the dark around 5 am, waiting for her Uber, she resolved to make the last four months of her au pair year count. Thinking about the journey ahead, she saw a shooting star—a symbol she knew to make a wish. Closing her eyes, she wished for a welcoming host family with great kids who would make saying goodbye challenging. When she opened her eyes, the Uber was ready to take her to the airport, marking the start of her final chapter in this au pair journey.
Click here for part 2 – Finding a home in Chicago.
